I think a lot of young people head off into the world with the intent of “finding themselves in it,” not really realizing that their daily choices will actively play a role in who they become and what they find at the end of the day. This is still creating oneself, whether it is recognized or not.
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I see the process as having both elements. We can “find ourselves” in the sense of discovering what the gifts, passions, etc. are that God has placed in us. But then we “create ourselves” by making conscious choices to do the right thing at each step of the way (and here, by “right” I don’t necessarily mean morally right – ‘though hopefully that is also true! – but right for taking us the direction we want to go).

The first part can be helpful as a tool for more effectively doing the second part. Do we really know where we want to go – what it is we want to become – if we don’t even have a solid grasp of what we like? Or of what we’re already good at and what would need work if it’s to be a significant part of our lives?

Fashion is actually a pretty good illustration of real-life here! I can build whatever wardrobe I want. I can go to the mall and (assuming that I have the money ) buy whatever pieces I like. But what if I don’t know if I like dresses or pants, if I hate green or love it, if I prefer floral prints or geometrics? I’m still going to be lost or overwhelmed! First I have to stop and sort out: what colors do I like? What type of prints to I prefer? Do I like structured garments or flowy ones? Then I can go in and intentionally choose to buy those things and produce a wardrobe that I love.

So you’re right, when people say they’re “going off to find themselves,” it’s usually with a sense of fatalism that leaves the person behaving as though his choices are irrelevant. Not helpful! But self-discovery isn’t necessarily useless, either, when it is used as a tool, rather than an end in itself.

This is even true of becoming a Christian. You do not come to the place of salvation and say, “Aha! I was a Christian all along and didn’t know it until just now, when I found myself.” You say, “I want to become a Christian, therefore I will choose to take such-and-so steps in order to do so.”

Finding oneself implies discovering something that was already there; creating oneself implies choosing who you want to be and making it happen. Granted, I can’t be the Christian I want to be without the grace of God, but I can choose to let him mold me.

I hope that makes sense.
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